My Astrology Diary: Who Am I?

Astrology, for me, is a journey of discovery. It feels like the slow unveiling of who you are becoming over time. It keeps asking the same quiet question: who am I?

It’s funny when I really sit with that question. Who am I now, nearly 50, compared to who I was in my teens, twenties, thirties, and forties? The answer is never fixed. It shifts, evolves, and reshapes itself with each decade.

In my teens—and honestly even into my thirties—it was all about fun. Drinking in every last drop of life. As a Leo Sun, this probably won’t surprise anyone who understands astrology. I loved the party lifestyle. And I do feel blessed to have grown up in the 90s and experienced it the way I did.

The music was wild, the energy was high, and it was all about going out with your friends and having a good time. No mobile phones. No obsessing over selfies or how you looked. You’d just throw on your best trainers, a cute vest, a pair of Levi’s, and a tenner in your pocket—and you were off.

It was simple. Free. Present.

Then, like life always does, I began to metamorphose again—especially when I had children. Priorities shifted. I stepped into the role of caregiver, and that party lifestyle naturally slipped away. Although I still had fun—of course I did. I’m a Leo after all.

With a stellium in Leo—Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Saturn—and Jupiter in Taurus in the 5th house, it makes sense to me now. Overindulgence, creativity, joy, self-expression… the 5th house of fun, children, and pleasure. It’s all there in the chart.

This image reflects the party-girl Leo—always first on the dancefloor, full of energy, loving every moment. How times have changed. designed by okos koti

In my late 20s, everything shifted again—this time toward career and achievement. I studied interior design, went on to complete a degree, and graduated at 30. I pursued my career with intensity, working freelance and eventually opening a bricks-and-mortar store.

I was driven by money and success. I worked relentlessly to try and achieve it. Saturn—the planet of discipline and hard work—conjunct my Sun in Leo. That drive was real.

But there was another layer too. The darker side. The 8th house self-sabotage.

I would work incredibly hard, manifest ideas, push things forward… and then the moment things didn’t work out, my inner voice would turn against me:
“Nothing works for me.”
“I’m rubbish.”
“Everyone else is better than me.”

Looking back, I can see how that mindset undid so much of my hard work. I truly believe my self-sabotaging beliefs played a huge role in things falling apart—almost like a Tower moment in tarot, again and again. Not because I didn’t act, but because of what I believed.

I thought I had to earn a lot of money and own a big house to be successful. So I was often operating from ego rather than alignment. And by the time I hit 40, I felt devastated that I hadn’t accumulated the wealth or life I thought I “should” have.

After a failed business and a failed relationship, I was forced to re-evaluate everything.

This is when things started to shift.

Through spirituality and astrology, I slowly began to let go of the need for external validation—fancy houses, cars, status—and started to focus on gratitude for what I already had. That alone changed my energy.

Now, approaching 50, I’ve turned toward something that has always been there quietly in the background—something I’ve always truly loved but never fully understood as a path: astrology.

The more I learn about my chart, the more it feels like I was always searching for depth. That makes sense with my 8th house stellium—transformation, emotional intensity, psychological growth. Uranus conjunct my Midheaven in Scorpio adds another layer: change, reinvention, disruption, and a life path that doesn’t stay still for long.

When I look at it all together, it feels like the chart is almost speaking. Not rigidly telling me what to do, but showing me patterns, themes, and directions.

There is also creativity here—Jupiter in the 5th, ruled by Venus, tied to beauty and aesthetics. That part of me has always been there too.

But the real force in my life has been transformation. Over and over again, I’ve changed, rebuilt, questioned, and evolved. We all do to some extent—but I feel mine has been a constant thread.

I’ve started to see the birth chart as a kind of matrix code. And if we can learn to read it, maybe we get closer to understanding the question underneath it all: who am I?

Because really, we all ask the same things:
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Am I on the right path?
Should I go this way or that way?
What career should I be in?
Is this person right for me?
How do I earn money?
The questions never really stop.

And I don’t know about you, but I’ve struggled with all of them at different points in my life. I’ve definitely taken wrong turns—especially in my self-sabotage phases. But I also believe that even those choices were part of the path. Each one is teaching me something I needed to learn.

In the end, I don’t think there are truly “wrong” turns. Just experiences that shape who we are becoming.

I’ve come to see astrology not as a set of rigid rules you must obey, but as a language. A conversation between the sky at the moment you were born—and the sky continuing to move now.

Transits and progressions don’t dictate your life. They reflect timing. Energy. Potential. For example, there may be times that feel right to start something new, like a job or relationship, and other times that feel better suited for reflection and planning—Taurus energy instead of Aries action.

As I continue learning, I’m still asking: how does the birth chart show up across all seasons of life? How do we read it as we change, grow, and evolve into who we are becoming?

Because the chart doesn’t predict everything. It doesn’t tell you when you will die, or guarantee loss or success. Life is also shaped by where you were born, your upbringing, your environment, your experiences.

What it does offer is insight. A map of potential. A set of ingredients.

And it’s always your choice how you use them. That’s free will.

There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” placement. Only interpretation. And what you believe about your chart will shape how you see yourself—and how you move through the world.

What you believe, you tend to live.

Until next time,
Karen x

My Astrology Diary-Who-Am-I-Moon-Cancer-1

This image reflects who I am now, as I approach 50—more in tune with my Cancer Moon. It’s about home, cosiness, and contentment: cuddling the dog and learning astrology. A far cry from the party-girl Leo of the past. designed by okos koti

Lesson One: Some initial learning notes